Sacrifices
As most of you know, I finished up teaching last November when the quarter was over, and I took a self imposed hiatus for the Winter quarter. It is now Spring quarter, and I have not gone back. It isn't that I didn't want to teach, it is that the pickings were a bit slim. The school is transitioning to semesters, and therefore the number of sections they have to offer adjunct faculty is few. Even if I wanted to teach, the times are not always convenient for me. So, Tim and I discussed it, and I decided to just keep being a full-time SAHM for a bit. That will likely last until next January, because the Fall semester won't have much to offer me, either.
Well, when I first realized how much time I'd have on my hands, I rejoiced. I ran around the house, decluttering and reorganizing. I had energy to spare, and figured I could get a lot done. And I have. My presence at the kids' school has increased, and I feel that I am more aware of what is going on in the kids' lives. The kids are able to do more extracurriculars, which I think they enjoy, although I do feel as though I live in my car. Of course, that means that Melina also lives in the car, and that is the first sacrifice we've had to make.
How bad is it that Melina needs to be taken everywhere with me? And will it impact her? In some ways, yes. I am sacrificing the time that we could be using to read, write, or snuggle. She definitely gets less art time from me, and fewer hours outside. She doesn't realize it is a sacrifice, but I do. I only hope the other kids realize, someday, how lucky they are that I am home and that Melina is a trooper.
When I was thinking of all of that is going on right now, I also got to thinking about other sacrifices. Namely the ones that we make when we have children. I am not talking about the countless strawberries I let my kids have when I really wanted the strawberries, but I guess I could be. Those little sacrifices are no less important than the larger ones. The ones where we decide to forgo a career to stay at home with the little people. Due to my brief teaching break, I have had several people ask if I will be going back. Can you stay home forever? How do you feel about this break? How would you do staying at home? I've gotten it all.
I can say this. Right now, as much as I'd like to have an established career, and one that I look forward to each day, I don't. I enjoy teaching, but I find it just as rewarding, if not more so, to help out the students at the school as a volunteer. I can also say that, as I have said before, it has come to my realization that I would like to be a writer. My fingers are itching to do something about that situation, but when I think real hard about what becoming a writer might entail, I think that perhaps now isn't exactly the right time. Whether it is teaching, writing, or making my way as a baker (yeah, I've thought of that, too, but it all comes back to writing), I think perhaps this break came at just the right time. It has forced me to think about what I want in life. Life as a mom, a wife, a family member, and a member of society. Who knew it could do all that?
But the question always comes back to whether or not this break will impact my career in a bad way. In essence, have I sacrificed my career for my kids? No one has asked me that, but it is the one I think about the most. Many women deal with this dilemma and many think about it even before a child actually arrives. Getting back into the workplace after having kids is difficult. That is why many of us keep our foot in the door. I've kept my foot in the door not only because of the difficulty of going back, but also because of the difficulty of staying at home all day long. Staying at home most of the time has gotten easier, partly because the kids are older. Our conversations have changed, and we are learning together. It isn't all potty and poop anymore. I doubt I could do it forever, but in the interim, I am enjoying it.
Perhaps I have sacrificed my career (I can just see my Ph.D. committee collectively cringing right now), but apparently, it suits my world. I have no regrets, and when I think about taking this small break, I get somewhat excited. Sure, maybe this break will be bad for my teaching career, but perhaps it is just the right fuel for starting another one. As long as I am open to change, and realizing what needs to be sacrificed and what doesn't (my sleep, fine; the kids sleep, no), I think I can find my way in the crazy maze of life.
Well, when I first realized how much time I'd have on my hands, I rejoiced. I ran around the house, decluttering and reorganizing. I had energy to spare, and figured I could get a lot done. And I have. My presence at the kids' school has increased, and I feel that I am more aware of what is going on in the kids' lives. The kids are able to do more extracurriculars, which I think they enjoy, although I do feel as though I live in my car. Of course, that means that Melina also lives in the car, and that is the first sacrifice we've had to make.
How bad is it that Melina needs to be taken everywhere with me? And will it impact her? In some ways, yes. I am sacrificing the time that we could be using to read, write, or snuggle. She definitely gets less art time from me, and fewer hours outside. She doesn't realize it is a sacrifice, but I do. I only hope the other kids realize, someday, how lucky they are that I am home and that Melina is a trooper.
When I was thinking of all of that is going on right now, I also got to thinking about other sacrifices. Namely the ones that we make when we have children. I am not talking about the countless strawberries I let my kids have when I really wanted the strawberries, but I guess I could be. Those little sacrifices are no less important than the larger ones. The ones where we decide to forgo a career to stay at home with the little people. Due to my brief teaching break, I have had several people ask if I will be going back. Can you stay home forever? How do you feel about this break? How would you do staying at home? I've gotten it all.
I can say this. Right now, as much as I'd like to have an established career, and one that I look forward to each day, I don't. I enjoy teaching, but I find it just as rewarding, if not more so, to help out the students at the school as a volunteer. I can also say that, as I have said before, it has come to my realization that I would like to be a writer. My fingers are itching to do something about that situation, but when I think real hard about what becoming a writer might entail, I think that perhaps now isn't exactly the right time. Whether it is teaching, writing, or making my way as a baker (yeah, I've thought of that, too, but it all comes back to writing), I think perhaps this break came at just the right time. It has forced me to think about what I want in life. Life as a mom, a wife, a family member, and a member of society. Who knew it could do all that?
But the question always comes back to whether or not this break will impact my career in a bad way. In essence, have I sacrificed my career for my kids? No one has asked me that, but it is the one I think about the most. Many women deal with this dilemma and many think about it even before a child actually arrives. Getting back into the workplace after having kids is difficult. That is why many of us keep our foot in the door. I've kept my foot in the door not only because of the difficulty of going back, but also because of the difficulty of staying at home all day long. Staying at home most of the time has gotten easier, partly because the kids are older. Our conversations have changed, and we are learning together. It isn't all potty and poop anymore. I doubt I could do it forever, but in the interim, I am enjoying it.
Perhaps I have sacrificed my career (I can just see my Ph.D. committee collectively cringing right now), but apparently, it suits my world. I have no regrets, and when I think about taking this small break, I get somewhat excited. Sure, maybe this break will be bad for my teaching career, but perhaps it is just the right fuel for starting another one. As long as I am open to change, and realizing what needs to be sacrificed and what doesn't (my sleep, fine; the kids sleep, no), I think I can find my way in the crazy maze of life.
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